01. WHO ARE YOU?

Let's get acquainted. Hello, I'm Sana. And you are...?

I was sitting in the healing corner of my temporary Sarrià-Sant Gervasi ground floor apartment, which was the worst of a place and the best of a place simultaneously. With a cuppa, tissues, and my notes wide open. I looked like I’d been chewed up and spit out, with a terribly looking bun on my head, in the brown-ish hoodie that had seen better times, with nothing else on except for underwear, covered all over with the blanket, as if it would ever make me warm. I was sitting, thinking, drinking, smoking, working. Figuring out how to tell her story.

My fever-ish brain wasn’t the best companion in this matter, yet I had nothing better to do than to think about her. Her hazel, constantly cheerless eyes, elongated features, and the nose with that tiny bump on it.

And then I thought: what if I just approach this as a therapeutic exercise? Meaning, I’ll walk her through a certain period of time or specific events and I’ll just write down whatever feels right along the way. As in – People. Events. Feelings. Emotions. Loss. Again and again. Loss as a leitmotif for years. To the point where it felt like there was nothing left but to gain instead.

And there it was: the approach. Nice.

Hi. I’m Sana. That was the morning I decided to do this seriously. Nice to meetcha!

I’d love to know your name and your story too – I’m always fascinated by other human beings. That’s my favourite kind of fun – to observe, and to take notes. Responsibly and respectfully, to ease your shoulders that just got tense. Come here, my dearest friend, let me give you a hug.

Not to bore you right away with the entire story of my life, I’ll tell you this. I’ve been through much, going through even more, rebuilding and starting over my whole entire life from scratch in a new city, a new country, half world away from home, and of course – alone, as I always do.

And, most importantly, I’m rediscovering writing for myself along the way. To be completely honest, I’ve been writing my whole life. I didn’t pursue it seriously back then, but I’m doing it now. I do it every day, religiously. The long chain of events that led me to this writing-obsessed state is rather tragic. I’ll reveal it all eventually, page by page – inspired by real events, woven into fictional cloth, you’ll never know if it’s truth or lie. And that’s the beauty of it.

Also – I have the audacity to allow people to pay me for my craft not once I’m all grown and established, but now, while doing so. Because I know I’m good. I finally broke the spine of my internal critic and imposter. It’s so liberating.

Here, I’ll be testing different angles, putting together source material dumps, publishing essays and notes on emigration, loss, sensory experiences, and the chains of thought that don’t fit anymore in my notes, my Insta, or that beautiful head of mine. And I’ll gladly take you along for the journey from idea to publication of my first book – plus periodic field reports from Barcelona’s dating fauna.

So, as I was saying. I’m glad you’re here. Stay if any of this is your kind of trouble. And I’d love to hear what you think.

Love you all, wish you well,

Sana

xoxo